I have not benefited from a new diet or skincare product. He digs holes in the backyard and barks at fireworks, but he is, after all, a dog, so what’s there to report? Okay, I finally got a dog, but you are so busy posting pictures of your own dog that I can’t see why you’d care about mine. Even the ones for “Haha” and “Happy.”Ĭall me old-fashioned, but a social media post does not seem like a profound memorial to my dearly departed grandparents. Face it, I don’t even have a daughter.įor me, emojis activate existential despair. Right now, she is probably eating potato chips and watching YouTube videos. She looks like a baby in her baby pictures. She did not get into an Ivy league college. She is not currently conducting my state’s orchestra. She did not receive certification in underwater welding or go skydiving or get her pilot’s license. (I will not insert a crying-bee sticker here.) She was not the youngest diver ever to spelunk the Florida aquifer. My daughter did not win the spelling bee. I’d rather not force you to say insincere things about me. I’d rather not humiliate myself by posting pictures of myself at age 14. Somehow, my loved ones know I love them even without my announcing it here. I am not married and will not gloat about my anniversary. I did go on vacation, but I was too busy enjoying it to post pictures, and since it is now more than 20 seconds since it happened, no one could possibly be interested in that. I dislike tattoos, and I already know that most of you will find this opinion unwelcome and elitist.ĭoes anyone know where to get the best organic pomegranates? I don’t care if you do. There is a color of eyeshadow called Lilac Sorrow. I have not tried colored eyeshadows lately. Who cares if there are awesome new popsicle flavors? I do not want to induce a flood of mansplaining. It is hot, but it is July in the United States, so you already knew that. I do not have a great new job or apartment or cool skirt.
(If you click on the Angry emoji here, I won’t know if it is because you think feminists are unreasonably angry or because you are angry that I get flak for being a feminist, and I will resent the fact that I have to puzzle that out on my own. I am tired of taking flak for my feminist ideas. Unless maybe it was part of my training for a marathon, and I am not training for a marathon. I do have good sex, but apparently it would be gauche, offensive, or boastful to say so. I am not feeling guilty about not training for a marathon. Insert sobbing green owl, tearful kitten, crying pink pig.
The banality of digital stickers makes me want to weep. Mosquitos are bothersome memes are bothersome formulaic humor is bothersome. I am not reaping the benefits of antioxidants from pomegranates. I do not know where to find THE BEST deal on anything. Most of my political opinions mimic those of smarter, better-informed people, so what’s the point really? I don’t do church or anything resembling it. Videos of cute animals do not move me to tears. No, I did not get a special honor from my employer or alma mater or neighborhood association. I am re-reading Simone de Beauvoir’s The Second Sex, but I’m guessing you’d rather not know that.Īlso, I just had a pomegranate smoothie, but it tasted like weevils, so I figure it’s best to leave that out. The books I read are usually from academic presses. I am not quite sure who the Kardashians are.
#Winking smiley face for facebook tv#
I am hopelessly behind schedule on all the cool TV shows. I have not eaten the BEST tacos or ice cream or homemade brown-butter sage ravioli at the latest trendy food truck. My home improvement projects are only marginally successful. The state of the world scares and depresses me just as much as it does you, but it’s not a contest.
#Winking smiley face for facebook zip#
I have not recently hiked to the top of Mount Denali.Īll the world’s zip lines have so far evaded my grasp. I have not painted my dining room pomegranate red. I have only the one kid, and I like to protect his privacy. No photos of me surfing in middle age, clad in a wetsuit, thumbs up, having a blast. I have not recently taken up a new sporting activity, and I have no photos of me in tennis outfits where I look youthful and vigorous and carefree. There are no adorable videos of my 4 kids piled on top of the couch eating S’mores, wearing pirate costumes. On Friday night, I did not drink pomegranate martinis with my besties at a hip bar downtown. Happy winking emoji = plausible deniability. Sorry, I have not perfected my pie crust.Īnd I did not make a cake with frosting sculpted into the shape of robots playing soccer on the moon for my son’s eighth birthday.Ī happy winking emoji can be inserted to confuse people about your real attitude toward any post. I did not grow my own tomatoes, herbs, or strawberries. I did not knit my own wedding gown or make my own ceramic wok.